As he was one of the icons of my childhood, I wrote a little tribute:
WARNING: PUNS ABOUND.
Please join me in remembering a great icon of the disinfectant community. MR. CLEAN died yesterday of ammonia. He was 92. Clean was buried in a spotless dust pan. 409 celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including BRAWNY, his Aussie friend FLOOR MATE, LYSOL, and the SWIFFER family. EUREKA, HOOVER and BISSELL could not attend, which really sucked. The church was floral and lemon scented and the grave site was an immaculate pine GLADE in the valley. DOVE bath bars were released as the KABOOM of fireworks filled the air, which was freshened by AIRWICK and FEBREEZE in an unprecedented joint effort. CLOROX delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Mr. Clean as a man who was a real DIRT DEVIL. Our dear friend led a squeaky clean life. He started slowly in show business, and his roles were largely antibacterial. But a CASCADE of floor work turned the TIDE as he grew in popularity and became the PRIDE and JOY of every kitchen. He was certainly a household name, a hero of germ fighting proportions with peers like the great PINE-SOL and ARM & HAMMER.
Mr. Clean is survived by his wife DAWN, their children SPIC and SPAN, and many little SCRUBBING BUBBLES. He was preceded in death by his parents, PROCTOR and GAMBLE and Uncle WINDEX, clearly his shining role model.
The funeral was held at 4:09 in a ventilated area, then the casket was closed to avoid releasing toxic fumes. A FANTASTIC luncheon followed polished off by ALL.